Crimson
by nivlac
Summary: After going on a killing spree through the Dunwhich building... again, The Lone Wanderer is taken from his world by an unknown force. Now a red-headed devil claims that he is her new servant. Little does she know that she summoned the biggest jerkass on the face of the planet, so keeping him under control was going to take some... work.
1. Chapter 1

**Yes, I know, another Michael story. I just couldn't help myself, enjoy!**

Michael took another swig of his whiskey. Good lord, hooch was always good, no matter what time of day it was. Which as it happened, was four in the morning, in his shitty little shack in Megaton. He set down the now empty bottle of whiskey as he heard muffled screams coming from downstairs. He sat up from his ruined chair, and walked out of his room. He passed his standing suit of T51-b power armor as he went down the steps. Wadsworth floated out from the small kitchen, and stopped in front of his master.

"Ah, still awake sir? Your guest that you brought in earlier is awake as well." Wadsworth said.

Michael's eyes drifted over to the raider tied to a wooden chair. He wore some ragged clothing and an old tire on his right shoulder. His spiky Mohawk made him a couple of inches taller, and his brown eyes were widening with fear. Michael sneered and cracked his knuckles. He then grabbed a cigarette from off of the small table next to him, and lit it, taking a deep dreg.

"That little shit is going to get it." He said, breathing out the smoke.

While he was out of Megaton, some raiders attacked the town, a couple of people died, but even more of the raiders fell, and Wadsworth was badly damaged. It turned out, they were only after one thing, Michael's weapon stash. The raider that was tied up in his living room was one of the unlucky bastards that survived the attack. The other survivors scampered off with most of Michaels weapons.

His precious gauss rifle being one of them. Not to mention the countless alien weapons either. One way or another, Michael would get his weapons back. No one touches his hoard.

 **No one.**

Michael walked over to the man and ripped the gag from his mouth. Not that he needed it, the entire town knew what was in store for this poor shmuck. He leaned down until he was almost nose to nose with the raider, then he pulled out his cigarette and blew smoke in the raiders face.

"Listen asshole. You just touched the dragon's hoard of gold, and the dragon is fuckin' pissed." He breathed out.

"Fuck you man." The raider said.

"Where did your friends go?" Michael asked him.

The raider spat in his face.

"Go to hell you crazy bastard!" He yelled.

Michael took a deep breath, and wiped the spit off of his cheek.

"Tell me where they are." Michael said, pressing the still lit cigarette on the raider's forehead.

The raider screamed out in pain, and Michael let the cigarette drop into his lap.

"I'll say it again bitch. Where the fuck are my guns?" Michael said.

"I'm not telling you shit!" The raider yelled.

Michael sighed, and grabbed a hammer from off the table next to him.

"You sure?" Michael asked, looking at the tool in his hand.

The raider said nothing in response, but bared his teeth.

Michael squatted down and pulled off one of his shoes. He raised the hammer.

"No wait!" The raider yelled.

Michael slammed the hammer down hard on his toes, resounding in a monstrous scream of pain from the raider.

"Will you tell me now?" Michael asked him.

"What the hell man!? You're supposed to be the fucking saint of the wasteland right!? Why are you doing this shit to me!?" The raider yelled.

Michael burst out laughing.

"You fucking idiot. Just because people say I'm a saint doesn't fuckin' mean I am one you retard. I just happen to be nice to nice people. You though, you are just bad through and through. I hurt bad people for a living you fuckin' cunt." Michael said, standing back up.

Michael dropped the hammer to the floor and back handed him, sending blood flying from the raider's mouth.

"Where are my fucking weapons!?" Michael yelled.

The raider's face was now stained with blood and tears.

"Okay man, just please don't hurt me no more! They're at… the Dunwhich building, the lowest floor!" The raider yelled.

Michael pinched the bridge of his nose and groaned. He really didn't want to go back there, that obelisk was creepy as hell. But if he could save his babies, then he had to go.

"Thanks." Michael said, walking behind the chair that the raider was tied to.

"A-are you going to let me go?" The raider asked him.

Michael grabbed the raider's neck in a chokehold and snapped it. What a stupid question. His body slumped in the chair. Michael drew his trench knife from its sheath and cut off the dead man's index finger. He walked to the kitchen and put the finger in his freezer. Another one for the regulators.

"Waddy boy, clean this fuckin' shit up, I'm going on an adventure." Michael stated, walking back upstairs.

Wadsworth gave a robotic sigh.

"Of course sir, but maybe you should wait for a bit? You are quite drunk." Wadsworth said.

…

Now that the boy Issei was her pawn, Rias felt a sense of elation, or was it completion? Either way, she was glad. She had a few other positions to fill up of course, but that sense of accomplishment was amazing. She grabbed the teacup from the stand next to the couch she was lounging on, and took a sip. Black tea with two sugars. It tasted amazing. The clubroom was well furnished, however… Rias thought that it could do with something more… homey? Perhaps a pinball machine?

Wait a moment.

Pinball machines weren't something that was found in the everyday household, so perhaps that wasn't very 'homey' though she was still going to put it on her bucket list. Rias's eyes widened as she felt a powerful presence appear behind her. It was… terrifying. The teacup she was holding shook along with her hands as she turned around.

What she saw was a tall gaunt man wearing a black cloak. Rias could not make out his face, the only thing visible apart from the cloak were his hands, which were bright silver. This power… it could only belong to…

"A-are you God?" Rias asked it, resisting the urge to flee.

The being laughed.

"No." It responded.

Rias took a deep breath, and tried to calm herself.

"Then what are you?" She asked him.

"I am a scientist. Who wishes to conduct an experiment. Though for this one I will need your cooperation." The cloaked man said.

Scientist? Experiment? What was he on about?

"What do you mean by cooperation?" Rias asked him.

The cloaked man chuckled.

"All I wish to do is summon a powerful warrior to your world. A human who has slaughtered entire armies on his own. And I want you to make him into one of your kind." The cloaked man said.

"For what reason?" Rias asked, narrowing her eyes at the cloaked man.

"For the experiment. You'll see him soon." He said. "Use this piece on him. The cloaked man said, placing a bright red devil piece in her hand and suddenly vanishing into thin air.

Rias felt like a huge weight was taken off of her shoulders as it left. The power of that… thing, was ridiculous. The most terrifying thing about it was that it was greater than even her brothers might, or any other power she'd ever come across. She looked down at the chess piece. That's strange, it looked like a miniature atom bomb…

Well, she wasn't about to turn down a potentially useful devil. If the cloaked man wanted to conduct an experiment where it benefitted her, then she could care less.

It looked like she would need to gather up the club members. It was going to be odd explaining all that had just transpired.

…

"I'm sorry man! Please just don't-"The raider that was groveling before the obelisk started.

He never finished his sentence on account of a gauss round to the face. Brain matter, and… face matter? Were blown all over the obelisk behind the raider. Michael looked around the ruins. Last time he was here it was covered in feral ghoul corpses. Now it was covered in raider corpses. Michael tried to ignore the creepy whispering that emanated from everywhere in the room. He could hear it saying:

" _I'll save you."_

And it was making his hairs stand on end. Out of all the places he'd been in the wasteland, this place was the only one that still scared him. Something about it was just terrifying. He had been here three times now, and that's three times too many. The first time he went through the building and killed everything in it for shits and giggles. Well, it was shits and giggles until he found the obelisk room in the lowest part of the ruined building. Then he high tailed it out of there, flipping off the Dunwhich on the way out.

The second time it was to destroy a supposedly evil book. Which, as it turns out, was evil. This lady in point look out died leaving Michael a message, and that was to destroy the Krivbeckneh by touching it to the obelisk. He didn't really know why he did it, but when he did what she asked, and touched the book to the obelisk, yellow flame engulfed it, and exploded outwards. The Geiger counter went crazy and Michael ran faster than he ever had in his life.

And for thirdsies, it was chasing after a band of idiot raiders that thought they could make it big by stealing the legendary Lone Wanderers stash, which ended with him going on a killing spree through Dunwhich.

Again.

There was _not_ going to be a fourth time. Fuck that shit. Michael took the large brown bag off of his back, and started throwing all his stolen weapons back in there. Alien atomizer this, atomic pulverizer that, shitty thirty two pistol because why not? After Michael had all the weapons in the bag, he threw it back over his shoulder, and was about to run out of the building when…

"Quite the expert at killing, aren't you Michael?" He heard a deep, gravelly voice say from behind him.

Michael turned around and his eyes widened. A man wearing a black cloak with silver hands stood in front of the obelisk, stretching his arms outwards. No. No. No.

"Nope!" Michael yelled shooting off a round at the cloaked man with his gauss rifle.

It was like trying to shoot air, the round passed right threw him and hit the obelisk instead.

"What kind of cultist bullshit is this!? I swear I'm going to blow this fuckin' place up man!" Michael yelled, turning back around and bolting.

The cloaked man appeared out of thin air in the doorway up the stairs. Blocking the exit. Michael started freaking out. He pulled out a random weapon from his pack, which happened to be the alien blaster, and started firing off shots. The cloaked man put out his right hand and caught each shot. Literally, caught. Like they were playing catch with alien plasma.

Holy shit. This is the god that the guys at Dunwhich were worshipping isn't it!? He's probably pissed that he killed a fuck ton of his worshippers and destroyed his book! Well Michael wasn't apologizing.

The cloaked man teleported right in front of Michael and shoved his arm through Michael's power armor. Michael looked down and saw that his arm phased through, not even leaving a puncture. He felt something warm coming up through his throat, and he began to taste iron in his mouth. He coughed up the liquid to see that it was blood. The cloaked man retracted his hand, and disappeared. Michael fell backwards, and was sat up by the massive pack of weapons on his back. He put a hand on his armored chest.

He was going to die.

Michael smiled. It was about damn time! Michael's smile was interrupted when he started coughing up more blood. He felt a sense of pride actually. It took the god of some cult to kill him. It took a **god** to end his life. Sure, it wasn't _exactly_ how he wanted to go out. Michael was imagining fighting off an army of super mutants with ten behemoths backing them up. That would have been a badass way to die too.

"Heh… I guess that means there's a capital G for God after all…" Michael said, his eyes slowly closing.

Michael could see a light at the end of a dark tunnel. He didn't care what anyone said, he was going after it. Michael felt like he was running towards it, but he knew he couldn't even move in his present state. Soon, he began to hear a familiar voice calling out to him.

"Son! What on earth!? Why are you dead!?" He heard the voice yell.

Michael's pace quickened when he realized who the voice belonged to.

"Dad!" He yelled.

…

"Dad…" The man mumbled.

"Oh look at that, he's calling out for his daddy, how adorable!" Akeno exclaimed.

Issei scratched the back of his head and narrowed his eyes at the man who just appeared in the clubroom. He just… appeared right over the table between the couches, and broke it. He wore some kind of large wrist watch that emanated a sickly green light.

"This is the guy? What's with the backpack?" Issei asked Rias, pointing to the new arrival.

Kiba walked over to the backpack in question and once he opened the large flap on the top, his eyes widened. He backed away, looking mortified.

"I've never seen so many guns in my life!" Kiba exclaimed.

"Oh shit there are guns in there? Lemme see!" Issei begged, clambering over to the near-dead man.

Issei opened the flap, and pulled out an ak-47 assault rifle.

"Badass!" Issei yelled.

Rias could then hear the man murmur.

"Don't… touch… fucking… kill you." The armored man murmured.

Issei hurriedly placed it back in his pack.

"How did he know? He's basically dead right?" Issei asked, paling slightly.

Kiba coughed.

"If a man loves his weapons enough, he will know if they are being taken away from him. Or maybe he can just hear you going through his stuff." Kiba said.

"Or maybe he just knows when someone stupid is touching his guns." Koneko said.

"That's enough, back away from him." Rias said, approaching his armored form.

She placed the chess piece on his chest, and watched as it sunk into his armor.

"In the name of House Gremory, rise now, and be my new servant." Rias said.

Everyone's eyes widened as they saw his backpack… just phase into him along with the chess piece. What on earth? The man quickly stood up from the ground, and looked around at his surroundings. He screamed.

"What the fuck is going on!?" He yelled.

So he speaks English then? He must be American based on the accent.

"Err… what?" Issei asked him.

"Err... what?" The man asked Issei.

Rias chuckled.

"You just asked each other the same question." She said in English.

"Oh thank god you don't speak asshole red. Now, could you tell me where the hell I'm at?" He asked her.

"Quite the mouth on you huh? I'll tell you, but first you have to give me your name." Rias said.

The man sighed.

"It's fucking Michael okay? Now where am I?" Michael asked

Oh no.

"Michael huh? I don't really like that name… let's say we change it to something else hmm?" She reasoned.

Michael scoffed under his helmet.

"Sorry red, but that's not exactly up to you. My name is Michael. Now tell me where I am before I kill everyone in this room." He said.

Let's see… bad temper, potty mouth, violent attitude… this is going to take some getting used too. Kiba, Akeno, and Koneko all tensed up, ready to charge him in a moment's notice. Right… she forgot that they knew how to speak English too.

"Ha! Give me a break kids. You want a piece of this? Then come the fuck on! If you work hard enough I'll give you the whole damn pie!" Michael cackled, reaching behind him.

He felt around his back, but once he realized that his pack was no longer there, he emanated fury. He took deep ragged breaths.

"Where are they?" Michael asked, shaking with rage.

"That backpack you were wearing sweetie? I'm pretty sure you just absorbed it or something." Akeno said.

"Could someone tell me what they're saying?" Issei asked no one in particular.

"Shut up." Koneko responded.

"Excuse the fuck out of you? How the hell do you 'absorb' a backpack of fucking weapons!? You had better tell me where my babies are right now or I swear that I'll splatter all of you against that fucking wall over there!" Michael exclaimed, pointing to the wall behind Rias.

Wait a moment… could it be?

"Michael, before you splatter anything, think about one of your babies." Rias said.

"What?" Michael asked her.

"Just do it, trust me." Rias said.

Michael stayed silent for a moment before a gun appeared in his left hand, it looked like a black scoped .44 magnum.

"What the flying fuck!?" Michael yelled out in surprise.

He held the gun in front of his face, and flipped the canister open.

"Sweet a full clip!" Michael exclaimed before pointing the gun at Rias. "Now tell me where I am before I cap your ass."

The entire clubroom then went to charge Michael, but then something even stranger happened. Four more guns surrounded Michael, each one pointed at a different club member. One was an ak-47, one was a sniper rifle, one was a glowing green pistol, and the last one was a long white rifle with an odd shape.

The club members all froze, and Rias's eyes widened.

"Ok… what?" Michael asked.

Rias sighed.

"Incredible. Everyone calm down, Michael I'll tell you everything, just… try not to shoot anyone okay?" Rias asked him.

The guns then all disappeared, including the magnum he was holding.

"You've got a lot of explaining to do red! Like… the fuck?" Michael asked.

Rias nodded.

"Right follow me… but, err… first you need to take off the armor, today is a school day you see, wouldn't want to draw attention to yourself."

"School day? In a post nuclear wasteland?" He asked her.

Now it was Rias's turn to be confused.

"Post nuclear wasteland? What are you talking about?" Kiba asked him.

"You've… gotta be fucking kidding me right? Just look at the fucking wasteland outside!" Michael exclaimed approaching a window.

He grabbed the long red curtain and yanked it off. The sunlight poured in and everyone covered their eyes at the sudden change in lighting. It was beautiful outside, the grass was green, sun was shining, and it was nice out.

Michael just stood there, silent.

"Are you okay?" Kiba asked him.

Michael pulled off his helmet, revealing that he had long black hair. He placed the helmet down next to his feet, and took a deep breath, turning around. He was surprisingly handsome, in a rugged, dirty way, but handsome nonetheless. He had a rough looking beard and sported quite a few scars on his face. That was not the most surprising thing about him though. He was young, young enough to be in college or a senior in high school. Rias was expecting some grizzled war veteran with grey hair with a cigar in mouth.

This was good actually, it meant that she didn't have to keep him somewhere away from the academy. She could… 'Convince' the staff and principle that he was a transfer student from America, that he came here to learn Japanese. She would have to figure the whole post nuclear wasteland thing right now though.

"Alright I'll bite. Someone turn the valve on my back please." Michael asked.

Akeno smiled, and walked over to him, turning the valve on his suit. The white armor seemed to open up behind him, and he stepped out of it.

"Wow, it's like a mech suit!" Issei exclaimed.

Rias actually expected him to be wearing jeans and a t-shirt or something, but as it turned out it was a sleek, black under suit with what seemed to be a hood hanging off the nape of his neck. As soon as he was out though, everyone plugged their nose. He stank… bad, as if he hadn't taken a shower in weeks, or even _months._

"Why don't you go hop in the shower hun?" Rias asked him.

Michael's eyes widened.

"Holy shit you have a shower in this bitch? Fuck yeah! I haven't had a shower in months!" Michael said, confirming Rias's earlier thought.

...

Michael turned the handle on the shower, feeling warm water run over his skin. Fuck… that felt nice, and he had to get all this dry blood of one way or another. He noticed some mouth wash sitting on the rack next to him, and grabbed the bottle. Michael twisted off the cap and poured the burning liquid into his mouth. It burned, but in a good way. He swished it around for a minute before spitting it down the drain.

Now all he needs is toothpaste… but he didn't have a brush. Oh well. He ducked his hair under the shower head and felt the water run through his hair. God he forgot how nice it felt to take a shower. He let it just run for a few minutes before pulling his head out from the shower head. He wiped the water out of his eyes and saw a bottle of shampoo sitting on the same rack as the mouth wash.

He poured the blue liquid into his hand and noted how it smelled like citrus. He rubbed it into his hair and beard, making sure that it was thorough, and ducked back under the water. He put two fingers over each eye so the shampoo wouldn't make them burn. After he was certain that it was all washed out, he put his face in the water, exhaling out of his nose.

He then cleaned himself with some body wash, and after that was off he just stood in the shower. He heard knocking on the door after a bit.

"Do showers usually take an hour and a half?" Rias asked him.

"They do when you're this fuckin' filthy!" Michael yelled. "I'll be out in a sec!"

"Ok." Rias responded.

Michael went through that same process of washing himself one more time before stepping back out of the shower. He looked through the steam and into the window before him. Holy shit he was handsome. As always of course. He dried himself off with a blue towel, then grabbed a red one to wrap around his waist.

Wait a moment.

He didn't have any clothes, and Michael didn't want to get back into his sneak suit until it was well and fucking clean. He would figure something out. He grabbed the door handle and twisted, pulling the door open.

…

"Damn!" Issei yelled. "Look at all those scars!"

Rias couldn't lie, most of Michael's body looked like scar tissue. Slash marks, bullet hole scars, burn marks, and a few even she couldn't recognize. The rest… were muscles. Rias coughed and looked down to the ground.

"I need all of the clothes. Right now." Michael said.

"We have an extra school uniform you can use. I'm pretty sure it's your size." Kiba said.

"Sure, anything. I don't like walking around naked. It feels so… naked." Michael responded.

"Truer words have never been said." Kiba confirmed, opening a closet door next to him.

He pulled out a jacket, some pants, a pair of shoes and a shirt. The school uniform, same that Kiba and Issei were wearing. Michael grabbed the uniform out of Kiba's hands, and went back into the bathroom. Rias heard a bit of fumbling around in there before he came back out.

"Fuck. I haven't felt this fresh since… well, ever." Michael said.

…

Michael looked down at his new outfit. Everything in the wasteland was either dirty or destroyed. He was glad that this was neither. He felt reborn… and it wasn't just the shower either. Michael felt stronger and faster than he has ever been in his life, like he could take on an army… again.

He did a little dance, just to fuck around, and he could hear everyone giggling. Except for the creepy white haired kid. Fuck she was weird. She gave him that 'cannibal' feeling. It hasn't let him down yet, so he had no reason to doubt it. He got the same feeling from that Akeno chick, though on a much higher degree.

He would be keeping an eye on those two. He made eye contact with the long red haired Rias.

"Alright, let's go check this shit out." Michael said, walking towards the door.

Rias nodded, and Michael waited for her, opening the door so she could pass through first. Dad always said to be a gentleman to women. That… didn't really apply to most women he knew though. Amata fucking hated when he did that. He walked through after her.

Michael noted how the hallway smelled and looked clean, not a scrap of dirt on the white tiles. Lockers lined the wall, suggesting that this was a high school like Rias said.

"You're at Kuoh academy in Japan." Rias said.

Michael stopped in his tracks.

"Fuckin' what?" Michael asked.

Japan? On the other side of the fucking world? How? Why? Did the cloaked guy bring him here? What a dick. Rias turned around and smiled at him.

"Yes. You just… appeared over our table and broke it as you fell. Quite literally you appeared out of thin air." Rias said.

"Do you know the cloaked guy?" Michael asked her.

"Actually yes, he's the one who told me of your coming. I saved your life." Rias said.

"Were you fuckin' in on it?" Michael asked her.

"No, he just showed up like you did and said that he was bringing you here." Rias replied, continuing to walk.

Michael followed after her as she went down a flight of brown stairs.

"That doesn't make any fucking sense red. People don't just appear out of nowhere okay?" Michael said.

Rias sighed.

"Yet here you are, and based off of what you said, I'm guessing you saw him as well?" Rias asked.

Michael couldn't forget that.

"Well… yeah but… ah! This is bullshit!" Michael yelled.

Rias put a finger to her lips.

"Quiet, the other students are in class." Rias said.

"I don't give a fuck if those pansies are learning their fucking ABC's okay! I need to know how I got here!" Michael yelled as they reached the bottom of the steps.

"Please!" Rias exclaimed.

Michael grabbed her shoulders.

"Why didn't the bombs drop here?" He asked her.

Rias shook off his grip, and furrowed her brow at him.

"Bombs? What are you talking about?" She asked him.

Was she being serious?

"You know, the Great War back in twenty seventy seven? Everyone got all bomb crazy and fuckin' nuked each other." Michael said.

"Excuse me, but twenty seventy seven hasn't even happened yet, and as far as everyone is concerned, no bombs are going to be dropped on anything anytime soon." Rias said.

No nuclear war? Was he in the past? Or was he on a different world all together? Michael felt a headache coming on, and he pinched the bridge of his nose.

"What's happening to me…?" Michael said.

"You're becoming a devil." Rias answered.

Michael laughed.

"I knew that this was hell, why the special treatment then? Hell shouldn't have showers and beautiful women in it." Michael chuckled.

"I appreciate the compliment… but I am completely and totally serious. I'm the next head of the Gremory family, a house of devils." Rias said.

Michael began cackling like a madman.

"Okay cut the shit Satan!" Michael yelled at the top of his lungs. "Don't play these games with me asshole! I'm ready for my eternal punishment now, or are you too pussy to do it!?

Rias actually looked offended.

"Don't talk about my brother that way!" She yelled.

Michael froze.

"Your brother is fucking Satan!?" He laughed. "I get it now, my personal hell, rife with stupidity, the one thing I can't stand!"

Rias looked even angrier now.

"I'm telling you that you are completely and totally alive. You are not in hell, and it does not work the way you think it does!" Rias yelled.

Michael stopped his laughing.

"If that's true, then what do you mean I'm a devil?" Michael asked.

…

…

…

"Good god." Michael said, his eyes widening.

They both headed outside and sat on a grassy hill next to a track. She told him everything about the world he was now living in. Angels, fallen angels, and devils. The way Rias talked about the three groups made it sound as if they were all their own special kind of asshole. Then she told him that god was in deed _real_. If that was the case, then there was no way he could get into heaven to see dad, not after all the things he's done. Especially now that he was a devil, the one thing he didn't want to be. Though… he already knew that he was one, even before meeting Rias.

The people of the wasteland were simple. If you kill bad people, you're good, but was that really the case? After you kill thousands of people, are you really a so called 'Messiah?' Not at all. Jesus didn't slaughter thousands of people with guns and swords. He saved thousands of people with miracles and… stuff.

Most of these things didn't really bother him too much. However, the one thing that drove him up the wall was that he would never be able to see his father again. He thought that he caught a glimpse of him just before he 'died' but then he was brought back to life as a demon. Something that heaven despises.

Fuck.

"God isn't really good for you anymore Michael, I'm sorry it has to be this way. Look at it this way though, now you have a new family, a new purpose. You can begin anew." Rias said, placing a hand on his shoulder.

Begin anew? This was a place where the bombs never fell. Where robots and lasers and hopefully _aliens_ didn't exist. Michael didn't want to begin anew though, he legitimately wanted to die in the Dunwhich basement, so he could be free of his cruel joke of a life. Michael sighed.

"Whatever. I don't care anymore. I just want… I don't even know what I want anymore." Michael said.

"What did you use to do in this wasteland you kept talking about?" Rias asked him.

Michael chuckled.

"Well, when my schedule was free, I would just fuckin' wander you know? Hell that was my title, the Lone Wanderer from vault 101. 'The hero of the wastes' they called me. But here is the thing red, are you a damned hero if you kill thousands of people? No. You're just a mass murderer who kills other murderers." Michael said.

"If what you did saved the lives of others, then that sounds like a hero to me Michael." Rias said.

He chuckled again.

"I guess that's true. Doesn't make me feel that much better. You do know that I fuckin' enjoyed it right? The killing? I enjoyed every second of killing something. It made me feel more alive than anything else." Michael said.

Rias sighed.

"At least you spent that kind of energy on those who deserved it. If the people call you a hero, it's because you've earned that title Michael, you did the right things to earn their trust. You made their lives better, and in return they named you a hero. Honestly I wouldn't be surprised if they thought you were some kind of biblical figure." Rias said.

"Revelation twenty one six." Michael realized.

"What?" Rias asked him.

"I am alpha and omega, the beginning, and the end. I will give unto thee what is a thirst of the fountain of the water of life, freely." Michael said.

"That's a verse from the bible. What about it?" Rias asked him.

"I did that." Michael said.

"Did what?" Rias asked him, furrowing her brow.

"I gave the wasteland water, free and clean for any and all." Michael said.

Damn he missed three dog, that sounded cheesy as hell when Michael said it.

"Explain." Rias said.

"The wasteland where I come from had no clean water red, it was either fuckin' disgusting or irradiated to shit. My father started something called project purity. The goal of the project was simple, provide clean, fresh water for the entire wasteland." Michael said.

Rias nodded.

"That sounds like a noble goal. I'm guessing he was successful?" Rias asked him.

"He died saving my life. No, it was not successful. At the time anyway." Michael said.

Rias looked shocked, and looked down to the ground.

"I'm sorry, I didn't know." Rias said.

"It's not your fuckin' fault red. This group called the Enclave took over the purifier, and my dad died to prevent them from tampering with it." Michael said. "That's when I began hunting them all down. Anything Enclave that I saw died. It didn't matter if it was a man or a woman or a fucking deathclaw. Anything I saw that was Enclave died. Me and a few friends attacked the project with giant all American fuck-bot with a laser face, and stopped the Enclave's plans."

"That was… a colorful way to describe it, what happened next?" Rias asked him.

Michael took a breath.

"Something happened to it, after I killed the Colonel, a woman who knew my father called in on the intercom and said that the project was going to fucking blow the hell up unless someone went in there and punched in the code to get it to work. The catch was, whoever did it was going to die of radiation poisoning." Michael said, taking another breath. "I had two options, I could leave my friend in there to die, or I could do it. So I went in there and punched in the code, twenty one six."

Rias gasped.

"You would sacrifice yourself for your homeland? And yet you would claim to be no hero?" Rias said.

"I am no hero, and honestly I wish I died in that fucking pot. But, being me I had to be a tough bastard and survive the rads." Michael said.

"You talk about wanting to die, but you could have easily ended your own life. What stopped you?" Rias asked him.

"Pride. Morals. Dad would fucking kill me again if he found out I killed myself. I guess the biggest reason would have to be that I wanted to go out like a badass, fighting until I dropped, but no matter how many raiders or super mutants I fought, they weren't tough enough to get the job done. Even after all the bullshit that's been thrown my way, I'm still alive… while everything else is dead." Michael said, falling back on the grass with his hands behind his head.

Rias giggled.

"If that's how you want to die, then just hang around a devil for a while. One day, you might find an opponent not even you can handle. Until that day though, will you stay with me?" Rias asked him.

Michael laughed.

"What the fuck else am I supposed to do? Knit? Ha!" Michael said.

Rias smiled.

"I'm glad, welcome to the family Michael." Rias said, smirking.

"I actually can knit though." Michael said.

Rias giggled.

"Really?" Rias asked him.

"Yep." Michael confirmed.

One of the least useful skills that dad passed onto him.

 **Done. Leave a review or Michael will give you the cigarette treatment.**

 **._.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Welcome my cultists. Enjoy. Also, see if you can find the hidden references. Each reference you find is ten points.**

Michael tapped his pen against the desk and stared into his computer screen. Several black lines crossed over other, thicker black lines and formed the letters known as Kanji. Fucking A man, he never needed to learn another language before! The worst part of all of this was how everyone kept staring at him like he was a fucking alien or something. Which was… well, kind of the case now that he thought about it. But it wasn't like _they_ knew he was from a different timeline.

That was still a lot to take in. Different universe. Why? How? That cloaked guy was such an asshole for bringing him here. Sure, that daily shower and the fresh food were nice and all, but here in fuckin' Japan, he couldn't walk around going on murderous rampages. Used to be he could just walk around for a little bit until something got the nerve to try and kill him. Nope, not here though. Even the thuggest looking thugs that hung out in the darkest of back ally's steered clear of him.

Not a single dead thing in two days. Was he having death withdrawals? Michael had assumed that when Rias said that he would be fighting super badass things like demons and angels, it would be on a daily basis, but frankly, not a single cool thing had showed up to try and kill him. Or anything for that matter. The Lone Wanderer, one of the most famous people in the capital wasteland, now reduced to sitting at a computer screen in a high school.

Granted, he now had super awesome super powers; but super awesome super powers were boring if you didn't have anything to use it on! Just one. He just wanted one thing cool to kill. He didn't care if it was some kind of… fuckin' fairy or whatever, just something that was an asshole and that he'd never seen before.

Michael rubbed the irritation out of his eyes. Computers here were so advanced, smaller, yet capable of so much more than the computers he was used too. It was too bad that he's been staring at this stupid tiny screen for so long that he felt like his eyes were falling out. He needed to go for a walk. Michael stood up from his chair, hearing its pegs screech against the tiles and made for the exit of the classroom.

The other students turned to look at him as he went to leave. He hated when they did that, what was so interesting about him exactly? Was it because he was so young yet had such a magnificent beard? Probably.

"Michael." The teacher said, his bald head glistening in the sunlight.

Fuck. He didn't even remember the doucher's name. At least he could speak some English, that way Michael had more people to talk to than the supernatural club or whatever it was called. He really didn't care about the little clubhouse they had. If they gave him food, showers, and a nice couch to crash on, then he could stay. Rias kept pissing him off though, always trying to send him on some stupid little errand. He'd had enough of stupid errands.

"You not leave until you finish your computer assignment." He said, the sunlight reflecting off of his glasses.

Michael gave him the good word of the finger bird, and opened the door, slamming it on the way out. Who cared? Michael sure didn't, considering it was three ten. Five minutes till the bell rang. Holy shit, was he really back in school? That was weird to think about. To be honest, learning Japanese wasn't a _complete_ waste of time, he's started to pick up on some words.

Michael walked down the white tiled hallway, and sat on the wall next to the exit. He looked at his pip boy, only three minutes left to go. He really didn't understand how he hadn't been expelled yet. He's already punched three kids in the gut because they annoyed him. That was grounds to be expelled right? Michael suspected that Rias might have something to do with it.

Wait a minute.

What was he doing? He didn't need to wait for the damn bell to ring, he _was_ the bell. Michael kicked open the front door and stormed down the steps. He felt like walking the town for a bit, seeing as he's crashing here. Look out Japanese town, your new king has arrived. Wait, not yet. Michael waited just inside of the gates, if he was walking the town, he might as well wait for Issei.

That kid was pretty fuckin' funny, based on Rias's translations. Michael was sure that being a devil made it easier to process information, so speaking Japanese shouldn't be that much of a total pain in the ass. Then he heard it. Ding dong ding dong. It was like feral ghouls coming out of an abandoned building, the students just… kind of _emerged_ from every part of the school.

One thing that Michael always was wondering when he started learning Japanese here was: where are all the dudes? Most of the people here were girls, you'd think it was just an all-girls high school if you didn't see the occasional perverted guy walking through the crowds with them.

Oh…

This probably was an all-girls high school until recently that explains it. Michael scanned the crowd looking for that little double pony tailed bastard. Where was he?

"Michael-senpai!" He heard someone yell.

He turned his head to the right and saw Issei waving at him followed by two other boys. One was pudgy, wore glasses, and had long brown hair that looked kinda… gross. The other was a bald kid, nothing special to note, other than that he was bald. Michael waved back, but the other two boys sneered at him.

What the fuck did he do to them? And the fuck does senpai mean?

…

"That's the guy isn't it Issei!? Matsuda yelled.

"Um… yeah. He's the new exchange student from America." Issei lied.

Michael seemed like a pretty cool dude, he sounded like a pretty funny guy based on Rias's translations. Though, his buddy's didn't really seem to like him that much, on account of…

"There he is!" He heard a girl yell from behind Michael.

She was accompanied by a trio of other girls, and they were all staring at Michael. Or more specifically his backside.

"Would you just look at that physique?" One yelled. "I bet he gets those scars from fighting, I was always into bad boys!" another announced.

"And he's not even paying attention to them!" Motohama yelled. "Issei, he's not even trying, and that makes me hate the bastard even more!"

"I got to admit, I'm a little jealous myself, I wish chicks would get all up on me like that." Issei sighed.

"It's just like Kiba all over again… we'll never get laid with those two around!" Matsuda said, comical tears pouring out of his eyes.

…

Michael turned around and saw a few high school girls gawking at him. He clenched his teeth in anger.

"Go away!" Michael yelled.

" _What did he say?"_ one of them said.

Michael got the word what, and that was it. Dammit, he needed to work harder at this learning Japanese thing. If only learning it wasn't so damned frustrating. They all look like squiggly lines to him, though, Issei could probably say the same for English. That is, if Michael could fucking understand the little turd.

He turned back around to Issei and stretched his hand out to him, making a come here motion. Issei nodded, and said bye to his two little friends. They looked utterly crushed and betrayed. Eh.

"Alright ya little shit, it's time to hit the town!" Michael yelled.

" _What?"_ Issei asked him.

He got what. Nani meant what. Okay. He still had no idea what the fuck 'senpai' meant, but if it was an insult Issei was going to lose that contest. Michael pointed to the town and walked out of the gate, Issei following close behind.

Where should they go?

…

Rias pinched the bridge of her nose and leaned back on the couch in the clubroom. Michael was so… _Difficult._ He would not do anything she asked him too, not a single thing. He would always tell her to leave him the "Fuck" alone, or threaten to kill her when she used her stern voice. The cloaked man did tell her that controlling him would be difficult, but not _this_ difficult. He hasn't went on a single request, not one! Sure, Michael said he would help out when danger arose, but what they needed the most was for him to go out and get contracts.

But no, he was content with just sitting on his ass and drinking all the booze he could find. How could anyone hold that much liquor in them? Was his liver made out of iron? Rias sighed. It wasn't like he could get a contract here anyway, he didn't even know the native language. Rias clenched her teeth in frustration. What did she have to do to make Michael more obedient? It wasn't like she could just offer him a Scooby snack and be done with it.

She needed Michael to learn Japanese faster, and then she needed to get him to get some contracts. Not only that, using her powers to make everyone forget Michael's bad behavior at the academy was getting old. Why he kept punching people at random she'd never know.

In a way she respected Michael, he was his own man, with willpower that shocked her and the other club members. That willpower however was mostly being used to chug alcohol and punch people.

Rias wanted him to chug alcohol and punch people if it was to her benefit. Punching people and vomiting on the couch and Kiba all the time was not beneficial to her or anyone. One thing she needed to take care of was living arrangements for Michael, she couldn't have him stay in the clubroom anymore. Then after that she needed to find a way for him to instantly learn Japanese, sadly Rosetta stone wasn't that amazing. She was sure that there was a spell or something for that…

Perhaps Akeno could help her with that search. In the meantime, she needed to get Michael to live with…

…

"Issei! What the fuck man you're crazy!" Michael laughed.

He couldn't fuckin' believe it, Issei just threw an apple at a jogger. Sure, Michael took great pleasure at throwing things at people from rooftops, but he didn't expect Issei to be in on it. The apple caught him in the leg, and the man looked up and yelled something at them in Japanese.

Issei and Michael lifted both middle fingers at the man, and the jogger left. Michael put both hands up to his mouth.

"That's whatcha get for fuckin' exercising!" Michael yelled.

Issei tapped him on the shoulder and Michael looked down to him.

"What?" He asked him.

"Police." Issei said.

Michael laughed.

"Holy shit you know the P word? That's amazing, alright, let's get the fuck out of here bro." Michael said, climbing down the white ladder that led into an alleyway.

Michael didn't want to have to deal with police, he never had to before in the wasteland, and no one was slapping handcuffs on him now. They walked the town for a while and decided to take a break in the park. They both sat down on a white bench next to a large fountain. This town really liked its fuckin' fountains. A blonde kid wearing a nun's outfit walked by, smiled at the both of them, and then tripped over nothing, landing on her face.

Michael pointed at her and laughed. Issei gave him the stink eye as a result, but lost it when Michael went over and lifter her off of the ground.

"Sorry, you alright champ?" Michael asked her.

"Oh! You speak English! I thought I was one of the only ones in town." She said.

"Nah." Michael responded.

"Well, thank you for helping me up back there. My name is Asia." She said.

"Asia huh? That's the first time I've heard a name like that." He said.

Asia chuckled.

"What's your name?" Asia asked him.

"It's Michael. You know, after the archangel and all that junk." Michael said.

Asia's eyes glowed.

"You're named after the archangel? Your parents must be pretty religious." Asia said.

"Eh…" Michael responded, rubbing the back of his head.

He wrapped an arm around Issei's shoulder and pulled him close.

"This is my buddy Issei, I'm guessing you can speak gibberish too?" Michael asked her.

"Um, yes." Asia said.

" _Hi, my name is Asia, what's yours?"_ Asia said in Japanese.

Issei's eyes glowed.

…

"So that's all we have to do?" Rias asked her best friend.

"Yes, that's it. I don't know how you're going to convince him to go through with it." Akeno said. "He doesn't seem the type to want to… well… drink that stuff."

"If he can drink fireball all day and night, he can drink _that._ " Rias replied.

That gave her an idea actually.

"If you say so Rias. Ever want to ask him where he got all of those scars? Every time he steps out of the shower I try to count each one of them, and I make a story for each scar. I get bored a lot." Akeno said.

"Most of them are bullet and knife wounds. He did come from a post-apocalyptic wasteland in his timeline. Imagine… ah what was the movie? The one where everyone drives cars and wears leather?" Rias asked.

Akeno placed a hand on her chin, then snapped in realization.

"Mad max?" Akeno asked.

"Yes, that's it, except Michael's wasteland didn't have any drivable cars." Rias said. "And culturally the world never moved past the fifties."

"So everyone wore fifties clothes? Ew." Akeno said.

"Not after Michaels great war. After that everyone apparently wore Mad Max merchandise" Rias chuckled.

Akeno placed a hand on her cheek in wonder.

"It sounds pretty interesting, want to pay it a visit one day?" Akeno asked her.

"Dear Satan no. Michael described it as being the worst place you could imagine." Rias said.

"Disney land?" Akeno asked her.

Rias pinched the bridge of her nose.

"Okay, it was that _one_ time Akeno, let's just forget about Disney land." Rias said.

What an awful day that was…

…

"See ya later shorty, stay safe." Michael said, waving at Asia.

"You too Michael! I'm glad to have met you and Issei, come visit me sometime okay?" Asia asked.

Michael looked back up to the church. The feeling he was getting from that place made him want to stay the fuck away from it. That church basically turned into the Dunwhich building, but Michael knew that there were no creepy sacrificial altars in there. At least he hoped so.

"Fuck yeah I will. See you when I see you." Michael said.

Issei said something as well, but he didn't understand it. As per usual. They said their goodbyes, and left. They needed to go back to the clubroom because… well, he was living there. Issei would probably hang out for a bit then go home. The sunset painted a coat of orange on the horizon, shining through the clouds.

Michael sneezed.

He read somewhere that when you sneezed that someone was talking about you, but if that was the case then he should have been sneezing all the time in the wasteland, considering the whole 'hero' thing. That sneezing thing was bullshit. Complete and total shit bull.

Issei pointed at him and said something but as per fricken' usual, Michael didn't understand a word. They walked through town for a bit, making headway for the academy. That couch was sounding very alluring right now… as was a nice gallon of booze to drown his sorrows. It was a good thing he kept his stash so well hidden from Rias, she was always on about him drinking.

Something about an age limit or some shit. Michael didn't care about the laws of a different world. Booze was good. Booze was great. And most importantly, booze made him drunk. God bless booze in all of its drunkedness. He was getting kind of hungry to, almost to the point where he wanted to eat a dog treat.

He really should've saved those stolen apples for eating.

Oh well, there was more food back home. Even if there wasn't he could just raid the cafeteria.

After they passed through the gates of Kuoh academy, Michael and Issei bee lined for the clubroom. A small part of Michael worried that Rias found his booze, but there was no way. He hid it in a place no one would ever look! Hopefully. When they finally reached the clubrooms door, Michael paused.

Issei stopped as well but only to stare at him in confusion. Michael took a deep breath.

Something was seriously wrong here.

This feeling Michael had never let him down before, it may not be something like a raider hive or a super mutant infestation, but he felt like if he went through that door something bad would happen. Then again… it wasn't his world, maybe he was just overreacting. Michael pulled open the door and walked inside, observing his surroundings.

Everything looked normal… Why was he getting the heeby jeebies? Issei walked in, said something, and then began looking around the room as well. His skin was crawling, but he had no idea why! There weren't any puddles of blood anywhere, or decapitated body parts, so what was wrong?

"Michael." He heard Rias say from behind him.

He and Issei gasped, and turned around to see Rias standing in the doorway they had just come from. How did she get there so fuckin' fast? Was she just hanging out behind the door until they got back? That's sad. She held a red wine glass in her hand, and Michael's eyes widened. He could smell it from across the room, that was good shit in her hand right there.

He didn't think Rias drank alcohol, so what gives? She twirled the wine glass in hand, the reddish contents swirling.

"This is a drink that'll let you learn Japanese faster. Would you kindly drink it?" Rias asked him.

Michael hunched over, narrowed his eyes at her, and frowned.

"Sure, tell me what's in it first though." Michael ordered.

"Alright. Single malt scotch, some King Henry, and Cinnamon fireball." Rias said, narrowing her eyes back at him.

Michael sighed. That sounded amazing, yet…

"I mean what the fuck is in it, if I'm drinking fuckin' baby blood or some shit I'll snap your fucking neck." Michael threatened.

"Calm down, its nothing of the sort. Just crushed fairy wings." Rias said.

Crushed fairy wings? Didn't he feel like killing a fairy earlier? He couldn't remember, but if he did kill a fairy he'd probably eat it after words anyway. Mmmm…. Barbecued fairy meat. Michael took the glass from Rias and chugged the glass, the booze burning his throat on the way down. Once Michael was done, he handed the glass to Rias, and felt his mouth water.

His eyes widened, and his brain began to burn… He grabbed at his temples and let out a terrifying yell. Rias and Issei backed away from him, and he understood the words that came out of Issei's mouth.

"The fuck!?"

The burning suddenly ceased, and Michael sat down on the carpet.

"That really fucking hurt." Michael said.

"Yes well, you did just do the equivalent of jamming ten years of learning into your head." Rias chuckled.

"Fuck you. Issei, let's go throw things at guys again, that was fun as fuck." Michael said, his words in a different language.

It was so odd to talk like that, he could understand his own words, but it felt like his tongue was moving on its own accord to say the things he wanted to say.

"You two threw things at people!? Explain!" Rias yelled.

Michael coughed.

"We threw apples at joggers, and the lord said it was good." Michael said.

Rias looked completely and totally miffed.

"Don't ever do that again! I'm getting sick and tired of having to clean up after your messes Michael!" Rias yelled.

Michael huffed.

"I made a song for you, it goes like this: I don't give a shit, I don't give a fuck, I don't give a shit, and I don't give a fuck, now if I gave a shit I might give a fuck, but I don't give a shit so I don't give a fuck!" Michael yelled back, waving his index finger at her.

He sensed fury coming from Rias, and… he thought he could smell piss coming from Issei's direction. Rias wasn't that scary, fuck she wasn't scary at all. Rias took a deep breath, and smiled, which really threw him off.

"Issei, you do have to get back to your parents, but you have to bring something with you." Rias said.

Michael walked over to the couch he slept on, and fell backwards onto it, putting his hands behind his head. Issei scratched his cheek.

"What's that?" Issei asked her.

Rias pointed to Michael.

"That thing. Feed it, take care of it, and make sure it doesn't _shit_ on the carpet. It's your new pet, now for the love of all that is unholy get him out of here!" Rias yelled.

Michael laughed, he'd never heard Rias curse before, was he that irritating? And wait a minute…

"I never shit on the carpet! I threw up on it a couple of times but that's not the same!" Michael yelled.

"But… my parents probably wouldn't be cool with that." Issei responded.

Rias put her face in her palm.

"I took care of it hun. Now please go before I lose my mind." Rias said, pinching the bridge of her nose.

Michael snickered.

"Yeah sure whatever. The couch was beginning to chafe anyway." Michael said, sitting back up from his seat.

He walked over to his armor, and stepped inside, feeling the metal enclose around him.

"Alright let's go, can't leave my precious here all alone." Michael said, picking up his helmet and putting it on.

He couldn't risk exposing the booze cache yet, there was too much for him to carry in one trip. It would take quite a few trips to get it all to Issei's place really, and then he'd have to find out where to stash it.

"Err… you probably shouldn't bring that with man, it'll probably freak them out." Issei said.

Michael chuckled.

"Dude who cares? Just fuckin' lie about it, say it's like a welding project or something. Here, I'll say it, I'm a better liar than you man." Michael said.

"Dude please? It's not going anywhere, and my parents wouldn't be alright with you just walking in wearing metal bulletproof armor." Issei begged.

Michael sighed.

"Nope. Let's go." Michael responded.

Michael then heard running coming from the hallway outside of the clubroom. It was a few sets footsteps, he turned to the door and conjured up a Chinese assault rifle, pointing it at the door. God he loved just being able to pull up guns out of nowhere. It was nice.

Koneko, Kiba, and Akeno opened up the door.

"Lady Rias! We've come across a stray in an abandoned building, it's the same one we were discussing earlier." Kiba said.

Michael grinned. Finally, something cool that he could kill. Rias sighed.

"Let's get this over with, Issei, Michael, come on now." Rias said.

…

Michael observed the building. It was old, not as run down as some of the buildings in the wasteland, but enough for someone to know that it hadn't been used in a while. The whole structure was dark, and he felt as if something was watching from the shadows. The doors that lead inside were double wide brown and oaken. Rias stood beside him, while Issei and everyone else stood further back, about five feet behind the two.

"Issei, Michael, this is your first time dealing with a stray, so just stay back and let us handle it, so we can show you how it's done." Rias said.

Michael scoffed, and Issei nodded.

"Is there a problem Michael?" Rias asked him.

"Fuck yeah there is, do you really think I'll just sit back and let you take all of the fuckin' action? No way, I need this." Michael said, approaching the door.

Rias went to stop him, but he had already kicked in the door. Michael closed his eyes and thought hard, summoning up three combat shotguns that covered his flanks. He held his assault rifle in front of him and swept the room, seeing nothing. The floor was a hard wood, and there was a few large square pillars around.

Perfect for something to hide behind.

"Do you really need to do this now!?" Rias scolded him.

Michael sighed.

"Would you just-"He started.

His sentence was cut off by something striking him in his side, sending him flying off far into another pillar. He felt as if he had made an indent, and struggled to free himself. Once he was pulled free, he fell to the ground, and looked up, seeing a large… _thing_ staring down at him. It had thick brown fur and three legs on each of its sides, with claws as large as Koneko. The moonlight illuminated its top half, which was a naked woman with sharp teeth, and long black hair.

"Mike! Are you alright dude?" Issei yelled, turning to him.

He chuckled, standing up to his full height. Why the hell didn't one of the shotguns go off? He looked around him and saw that they had disappeared, when did that happen?

"I'm fine, I think it tickled a bit." He responded.

Rias adopted that smirk she always gives when she wins at something, and looked up to the beast.

"You have killed your master and chose to follow your own twisted pleasures. I Rias of the house Gremory will send you to hell as punishment." She said.

The woman-beast then began groping at her own breasts. Michael furrowed his brow with disgust as a long snake like tongue darted out from its mouth.

"Oh shut up you little whore! You were always jealous of me. Because you could never have breasts as luscious as these!" It yelled, fondling its… bits further.

Michael aimed his gun at her, then noticed that… strange bright green ethereal rings began to tighten around its nipples. His jaw dropped into a frown, then he screamed as fucking green acid lasers shot out of her breasts, aimed at Issei and the rest of the gang.

They all dodged it, and Michael was fine because she wasn't aiming at him.

Michael looked back to the damage that the crazy psycho bitch had created, and saw the solid wooden walls begin to melt away. He furrowed his brow, then turned back to the monster.

"No! What the fuck dude!? Just no! Fucking die!" Michael yelled, firing off his gun.

He concentrated, and an alien rifle and a missile launcher appeared next to each other and began firing at the thing as well. The bullets penetrated, creating bloody holes that dripped down its body. The plasma burned away its skin, leaving its hide burnt to a cinder. One missile flew into one of the stray's hind legs, blowing it completely off, and sending blood flying everywhere.

Kiba charged forth at remarkable speed, and jumped up cutting its left arm off, then Koneko began striking it down with her fists. He saw that Akeno flew into the air, shooting off bolts of lightning into the things head. With all of their combined might, the creature was no match. It fell to its side, barely alive. Michael conjured up a super sledge in his hands and charged forward, licking his lips.

The stray's red eyes widened with fear as Michael lifted the hammer above his head. It raised its one remaining "human" arm at him.

"Please no!" It pleaded.

Michael gave a mad toothy grin beneath his helmet.

"Shut the fuck up Sally mc Laser tits!" He yelled with glee.

The hammer smashed her skull like a watermelon, sending gore and other viscera flying. He stood up straight and leaned the hammer on his shoulder. He turned to the rest of the group and took a deep breath through his nostrils.

"That felt… So fucking good. Where's the next one?" He asked.

They all looked at him with furrowed brows, save for Rias and Akeno.

"That was it Michael, we killed it." Rias replied.

Michael's shoulders sunk.

"For seriously?" He asked.

"Yes… for seriously." She responded.

Michael let out a groan.

"But I was just starting to have fun…" He moaned.

"There will be more soon, most likely." Kiba said. "So don't worry about it."

Koneko pointed to him.

"You're sick." She said.

Michael held out his middle finger to the pint sized power house.

"Do you know where I come from you fuckin' hobbit? It's hard not to be fucking sick." He replied. "Come on Issei, let's get the fuck out of here."

"Yes I suspect it'll be a long night, good night everyone, and good work. I'll see you in the morning." Rias said.

He needed some super fireball for tonight, too bad that didn't exist, he just had regular fireball. He always carried an emergency bottle of booze with him. He stepped out of his suit really fast, and pulled out the bottle from his coat pocket. He set it on the ground, then got back into his armor. He took off his helmet and took it off of the ground, uncorking the lid.

"Bottoms up!" He yelled, chugging it.

 **Done, read it, love it, wait for the next update. If you don't leave a review, I'll have Michael find you and fuck you bloody with a stick.**

 **._.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Im back daddy**

"So… you're a friend from Issei's school are you?" Issei's mother asked him.

Michael leaned back in his chair, and let out a burp in response. Issei's dad pinched the bridge of his nose and let out a sigh. The white table they all sat at had a couple of coffee stains in it, and the house smelt like someone had taken a can of frebreeze and sprayed it in every single orifice of it.

"Yep, he's definitely one of Issei's buddies alright." He said.

Michael looked around at the dining room of Issei's house, and took in a deep breath. Issei sat next to him, squirming in his brown wooden seat. Most likely out of fear for what his parents were going to do to him for this.

"Rias had come by and said you were homeless, and we just couldn't let a… boy such as yourself live on the streets." Issei's mom said.

"Yes and-"Issei's dad started.

"Uh-huh." Michael halfheartedly responded.

"Um… and she told me that-"

"Yep." Michael interrupted again.

He felt Issei kick him under the table, and Michael shot him his death glare.

"Do that again you little fuck and I'll put you through a wall." Michael threatened.

Said devil shrunk back in his seat, his eyes lowering to the table.

Issei's mother sighed.

"Rias was right… you poor child."

Michael raised an eyebrow, and looked at her.

"Poor child? The fuck did she say again?" Michael asked.

He quickly looked back to his suit of power armor, which he had stepped out of to sit down in the seat. The T51-b stood upright against the wall, with its back facing them. Oddly, Issei's parents paid no mind to it when he walked in the door. In fact, they told him that he could 'hang up his coat' on the rack next to the door. Was that magic too? How? Rias wasn't here before he was; he was damned sure about that. Issei was pretty weirded out by it too.

"She told me that you grew up on the streets! That you had to fight tooth and nail just to get scraps of food from rats. That's why you have such violent behavior. We can't turn you away! We need to show you what it's like to have parents." Issei's mom said, smiling at him.

Michael felt his jaw drop in disbelief.

"What?" He asked.

"You're free to stay here basically. Forgive the wife; she can get a bit sentimental sometimes." Issei's old man said.

He looked over to Issei with his brow furrowed, and the devil just shrugged his shoulders in response. Michael pinched the bridge of his nose, and let out a sigh of his own. Grew up on the streets? Fought with rats? What kind of bullshit sob story did she feed these guys? Rias totally got the fought with rats thing wrong too.  
Sometimes he would get bored and straight up just bite the rats to assert his dominance. He'd have to use a lot of ancient toothpaste for that though, so it wasn't a thing he did all the time. He never did it when he was sober either.

"Yep. Had to battle the rat's n' all that good shit. Did you know that I've never even had a bed? Oh yeah. Never." Michael said, doing his best not to give a shit eating grin.

The way he understood it, Rias probably used some kind of magic on them before feeding them her line of bullshit. If he really milked that magic cow, he could probably get spoilt by these losers.

"You poor dear… We have an extra room next to Issei's, it's all yours." Issei's mom said.

Michael grinned.

"Thanks… mom. I've also never held money before in my life. I've always been poor and unable to afford food for myself. I'm used to just eating trash out of the garbage cans in alleys."

He felt Issei glaring holes at him.

She practically threw twenty dollars at him from her purse.

"Spend it on what you want dear." She said, giving a sweet smile.

"Sucker..." Michael snickered.

"What was that?" His mother asked.

"Oh, I was thinking that I would buy a sucker. Never had one of those either ya know?"

Issei coughed.

"Well, me and Mike got a lot of studying and shit to get done. Right Mike?" Issei said.

"I've also never studied before; do you think you could do my work for me bro?" Michael snickered. "I'll watch and learn alrighty?"

"No." Issei responded.

"Issei!" His mother yelled.

Michael held in a laugh. Too fucking easy.

"Okay! Okay. Come on dude." Issei said, standing up from his seat.

Michael stood up as well, and they entered his room, leaving Issei's parents in the kitchen. Michael walked inside of his room, and took a deep breath through his nose.

"Smells like sweat and shame." Michael said, looking around.

A small brown wooden desk sat in the left corner of the room, and had various papers scattered around it. On the opposite side of the desk in the right corner of the room, was a bed with a ruffled blue blanket laying on top of it. Michael walked over to the black rolling chair in front of the desk, and sat down, placing both hands behind his head.

Issei closed the door behind him, and crossed his arms at Michael.

"You are such a cock dude." Issei said.

"That's why ya love me you bastard. I was kidding about the homework; I'm not doing that shit at all. I already fuckin' graduated my high school. Top of the class n' everything." He laughed. "And you aren't going to study are you?" He asked.

"Fuck no. Who the hell would study at a time like this?" Issei asked him.

Michael narrowed his eyes at him.

"At a time like this? What the fuck are you talking about?" Michael asked him.

Issei quickly took a seat on his bed, and gave Michael a sly smile.

"Why are you looking at me like that? You're freaking me the fuck out kid. If you keep looking at me like that I'll probably bite one of your ears off."

Issei chuckled.

"Okay, so who is the hottest chick in the occult research club in your opinion?" Issei asked him.

Michael let out a groan.

"Good god I don't care about that kind of thing. Can't we talk about how fucking awesome it was how we killed that big ass stray devil instead?"

Issei shook his head.

"No! If you won't go first, then I will!" Issei yelled. "It's gotta be Rias dude, those curves, those fantastic fun bags, and you can't forget dat ass man!"

Michael let out another small laugh.

"You're one perverted kid." Michael said.

"You don't know the half of it my man! One day I'm going to have my own harem of sexy succulent babes!" Issei declared.

Michael scoffed.

"Dude. Come on, there isn't anything else you fuckin' aspire too? You don't wanna be an astronaut or some shit?" Michael asked.

Issei crossed his arms and smirked.

"No. That's all I've ever wanted ever since I started noticing lady parts!"

"Issei. I'm gonna get really real with you here for a second, alright? So listen the fuck up. Sex is nothing, and I mean nothing compared to killing. It's the sweetest thing there is. There isn't a damn thing that comes close to seeing brain matter fly out of a skull or sticking a knife in someone's diaphragm. Give that shit a try before talking about 'lady parts' bro." Michael said.

Issei gave him a disturbed look.

"And you say I'm one messed up kid. You need a therapist." Issei said.

Michael shrugged.

"Nah. I'd probably end up yelling at him." Michael said.

Issei chuckled.

"Whatever dude. Anyway… um… I don't know if this is going to be an awkward question for you or not, but have you ever… you know…" Issei asked, rubbing the back of his head.

"Have I ever what? Fuckin' spit it out dude. It isn't like someone shoved a cock down your throat fuck."

Issei furrowed his brow at that.

"Have you ever done the dirty with anyone before where you come from?" Issei asked him.

"Done the dirty? Wait… you're asking me if I've ever fucked anyone aren't you?" Michael asked, pointing at him.

"Um… Yes." Issei asked.

Michael frowned.

"Why the hell do you care exactly?" He asked.

"We're dudes. Isn't this question supposed to be asked?" Issei asked.

Michael sighed, and leaned forward in his chair.

"No." Michael answered.

"No? But… chicks at school are always clawing each other's eyes out because of you at school!" Issei yelled with surprise. "Seriously! I hear them constantly talking about how… well, manly you are."

Michael leaned back in his chair once more and laughed.

"Did you see me giving a fuck kid?" Michael asked him, his eyebrow raised.

"Not really… but dude, you came from a shitty wasteland right? Where there wasn't much in the way of justice-"Issei started.

"Issei, I was fuckin' justice in that shitty wasteland. Think about that. A sociopathic killing machine was considered a messiah out there. Yeah, it was shitty, but it was also really fun." Michael said.

"Let's go back to you being a virgin." Issei said.

Michael let out another groan of annoyance.

"Dude, why the fuck do you care so much? Yes, I never put my penis in a vagina, but you know what? After I left the vault that was never at the fuckin' forefront at my mind. I had to find my fucking dad; I was getting shot at by every mother fucker in a ten mile radius. Safe to say, I don't give a shit about sex. I can acknowledge when someone is attractive and all that good shit, but there are more important things to be thinking about." Michael said. "Tell you what, when we can, I'll take you out shooting. You don't feel as powerful as you do when you're holding a weapon that can blow someone you don't likes face off."

Issei shrunk back in his seat during the majority of that rant, but his eyes lit up when Michael mentioned that he would take him out shooting.

"There we go!" Michael yelled, cackling. "Anyway, I'm tired as fuck, so I'm gonna crash."

…

Michael groggily opened his eyes, seeing the dark ceiling of the occult research club above him. After him and Issei got to school, Michael went to the clubroom to take a powernap on the couch, while Issei went to his little classes. Maybe he was learning his ABC's today, or some shit.

The cause of his awakening was that little Konoko was shaking his shoulder.

"Gah… what the fuck is it kid?" Michael asked. "Someone as handsome as I am needs to get as much beauty sleep as possible."

"Lazy asshole." Konoko responded, ceasing her shaking.

"Piss off." Michael responded.

"Rias wanted to talk to you and Issei, he's there now. Try to behave yourself, prick." Konoko said, taking a seat on the opposite couch.

"Yeah whatever. You're short." Michael said.

Koneko narrowed her eyes at him.

"What? Am I fucking wrong? No… you're right, you're the tallest in the club!" Michael yelled.

"You are such a tool." She responded.

"We'll continue this shit later. I gotta go get my wrist slapped by Rias. Well, that's probably what's going to happen. I stole a fuck ton of shit from the gas station before coming here. Lots of fuckin' gum really. That shits easy to steal." Michael chuckled.

He sat up from the couch, and made way for Rias's office. He stepped through the open door, seeing Issei standing in front of Rias's desk. Rias of course, was seated on the opposite end, with Kiba and Akeno standing on either side of her. Issei turned his head to Michael, and the Lone Wanderer gave a sick grin, pulling out a pack of gum from his jacket pocket.

"Hey Issei." Michael said.

"Uh… what dude?" He asked him.

"This is what it feels like to chew five gum!" Michael yelled, throwing a pack of minty goodness at Issei's face.

The package hit Issei square in the nose, and Michael ran up to him quicker than the young devil could possibly react. Michael reached up to Issei's chest with his hands, and squeezed his nipples. Michael twisted, resulting in a scream of pain from Issei.

"Stimulate your senses!" Michael yelled, laughing like someone who just got done taking jet.

When he let go, Issei was rubbing his tingly nips, and clenched his teeth.

"You are such an asshole!" Issei yelled.

Michael put a hand up to his lip.

"You know it." He giggled, doing his best to sound like one of the girls from around this school.

The commercials in this world were weird. After he watched the ad, Michael stole a pack of five gum, but was disappointed when he found out that it didn't really stimulate his senses. It just made his breath smell nice.

Akeno joined in the laughter, and Kiba put a hand on his face. Rias simply sighed, and pinched the bridge of her nose.

"I think we're going to get along just fine me and you." Akeno said, smiling at him.

He felt Issei punch him in the arm, and Michael laughed.

"That kind of tickled kid, how's your hand feel?" Michael asked him.

Issei shook the pain out of his hand.

"Like I punched a damn tree! What the hell dude!?" Issei yelled.

"Skins as hard as tree bark. That's what we in the wasteland call a mutation kiddo, real good shit."

"You two can talk about all of this later. I have an assignment that needs doing. And I want you and Issei to go and take care of it." Rias said, pointing to Michael.

The Lone Wanderer let out a groan.

"How many fuckin' times to I have to tell-"Michael started.

"Stop right there Michael. I have something that I'll give you for this little favor." Rias said, narrowing her eyes.

"What do you have that I can't fuckin' steal from a gas station? Or a gun shop?" Michael asked.

Issei widened his eyes at the mention of him stealing.

"So it was you!" Issei yelled. "You were the guy who was stealing guns from the pawn shops! You didn't even leave a trace for the cops to follow man, you're good."

Michael smirked.

"I'm a professional kleptomaniac. Safe to say I ruined those guy's careers, but hey, they probably got insurance, right?" Michael asked.

"Where do you keep it all man? Shouldn't there be like a big ass fucking Santa Claus bag around here somewhere?" Issei asked.

"I was actually wondering that myself. Where do you keep it all Michael?" Rias asked as well.

Everyone in the room, save for Michael stared at him. The Lone wanderer then took a deep breath through his nose. A long silence passed, and he narrowed his eyes.

"In my butt." He answered.

The room went completely silent.

"Dude, where do you keep them?" Issei asked.

Michael faced the teenager, and grinned wolfishly, putting one hand behind his back. He willed a desert eagle pistol into his hand, and then made a grunting noise, before finally showing it to him.

"Smell my butt gun Issei. Smell it!" He yelled, running at the devil.

"Dude no way!" The younger teen said, fleeing in terror.

"Issei, he made it appear in his hand behind his back. Silly boy." Akeno said, placing a finger at her lips.

Michael looked back at Akeno with a look of betrayal about his face.

"Say… if I were to shoot you in the face would you die?" Michael asked.

Akeno gave a sly smile.

"Do you want to find out?" Akeno asked.

Michael returned the smile, and Rias slammed her hands down on the table.

"That's enough! I shall hear no more mention of butt guns, five gum, or face shooting! We have a customer for you and Issei Michael, and if you complete the task successfully, I will give you this." She said, reaching down under her desk.

When she resurfaced, she was holding a long pitch black gun, as long as Issei was tall. Michael's jaw dropped, and he looked it up and down. The long barrel and scope along with the stock indicated that it was a sniper rifle, but it was a big sniper rifle. A sniper rifle worthy of becoming part of his butt gun collection.

He reached out across the desk to touch it, but then Rias caused it to disappear with a puff of green magic. Michael slammed his hand on the desk, and clenched his teeth. This was worse than anything she has ever done to him since he got here. It was damned cruel and unusual.

"That was the sexiest sniper rifle I have ever seen in my life! Bring it back here now!" Michael shouted.

Rias smirked.

"I'll give it to you after you complete this task. And if you continue to do these assignments I will continue to supply you with new weapons. Is it a deal?" The crimson haired devil asked, extending her hand.

Michael looked down at the extended limb, and let out a sigh of defeat.

"Fine. I'll go play nice with whatever douchebag you want as long as you give me that scandalous rifle." He said, taking her hand in his.

They shook, and Rias smirked.

"Alright, here is his address." Rias said, handing him a slip of paper. "Both of you get going, I have a feeling this will be your first successful run. We'll all be routing for you."

Issei scratched the back of his head sheepishly, and Michael puffed out his chest.

"Do it for the gun Michael." He told himself. "For the gun."

"Do I get something for doing this?" Issei asked her.

Rias shot him a sideways glance.

"No." She said.


End file.
